Welcome to the Ecstatic Living & Tantra Blog!

This blog has a purpose - to give you information about our teachings, and to share with you practices and ideas to explore for enhancing your life and loving.

It all forms part of what we call "ecstatic living" - weaving the integration of love, intimacy and spirituality into the fabric of our whole life.

We hope that you enjoy our offerings - may they be interesting and informative, heart-opening and inspiring to you.


Lokita & Steve Carter

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Tantric Altar

“One + One = One”

A relationship is an entity in itself with its own flavor and dynamic. In this practice you give expression and support to its uniqueness, and celebrate its sacredness. An altar is a place on which gifts are offered to God. It is used for worship, and some people believe it is a direct line to the Divine. The tantric altar weaves together the physical and spiritual elements of your relationship and one plus one become one.

In this practice you create a physical expression of your oneness. Seeing your relationship as a separate entity, you step out of the attachment to "you" and "me" and rise towards the higher "us". The relationship gets elevated to a higher realm.

The Practice
To create an altar, assemble various objects that are meaningful to both of you – photos of special occasions, mementoes, a small statue, perhaps a drawing from your child or grandchild, or your favorite vacation spot. Choose items that remind each of you about your relationship and its depth, meaning and creative power.

Use a small bowl for future offerings, such as flowers or sensuous food bits (strawberries, mango slices, chocolate, just to name a few!)

Dedicate a potted plant as a symbol for the thriving of your union. Just as this plant, the relationship needs to be tended to, cared for, watered and maintained.

Include a candle to symbolize the flames of passion that burn between you. Perhaps you would like to fan those flames to make the fire burn a little hotter?

Arrange these representations of your relationship on a low table in your bedroom or your sacred space. Every day for at least a week, in the morning and at night, take a moment to consider the altar you have created. Embellish it with some new items once in a while, make offerings. Say an invocation such as, “May we relate to each other with love and compassion today” or, “May our sexual attraction continue to smolder with heat and intensity”.

At your tantric altar, appreciate your love and the fact that you are together, sharing this precious time of being alive with each other. We are blessed that our partner chooses to spend time with us; we never know when our life will be over.

Be aware of how your relationship continually creates and recreates itself. Celebrate the power of your union!

Tantric Keys

  • You might think, "What a bunch of froufrou! This is for flakes." Try it anyway and see if you feel any closer to your partner. Steve often says, “Fake it until you make it.”
  • Sometimes things are difficult. You might not feel particularly celebratory towards your partner, and are fed up with something in your relationship. The altar you created is a reminder that peaks and valleys are part of life. Write down the challenge and place it on the altar. Contemplate how it can be transformed. Talk to your partner, and return to the altar together with the intention of being close and responding to each other with love. Remember - and communicate - the ultimate reason why you are together, and things will become much simpler and clearer.
  • If you are single, create an altar for yourself. Decorate it with items that express your love and appreciation for yourself. Let is represent your highest self, your innate union of male and female.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

What is real?

“Who is this person looking back at me from the mirror?”

How often are we lost in thought? Thoughts dominate our lives. Our mind creates what we perceive as reality. We like some people, and not others. We find someone desirable and attractive, but not another person. We have all kinds of problems that seem unsolvable and make us miserable. We think we know exactly who we are. But we are robots led around by our mind. We are filled with conditioning, with values that we were brought up with, with attitudes that we think are justified and reasonable.

This practice is a personal investigation into what is real.

The Practice
Consider this statement, “That which disappears when you don’t think about it, is not real.“

Take a breath and let it sink in.

Consider it again, “That which disappears when I don’t think about it, is not real”.

What is real? What is here now?

Investigate this statement throughout the next few days. If you have a partner, talk with him or her about it, or talk to your friends. What is your answer? What is real for you?

Tantric Key

  • Bring this inquiry back to your body, and to your senses.
  • When you have found what is real for you, notice if and how that effects everything that is not real!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Healing Wand of Light

“Infusing the sacred space of the Goddess with the healing wand of light – transformation and pleasure.”

Vajra is an instrument of many powers. Not only can he elicit, transmit and experience incredible pleasure, but he can also be a healing wand of light. Yoni may feel closed or some energy might be held inside. Vajra can shine forth light and healing, and free Yoni from any holding or wounding she might have, so that she may experience more pleasure and delight in sexual lovemaking.

The Practice
Find a comfortable position and connect with your partner. Talk about the purpose of this lovemaking session. Set an intention, for example decided that this session is about sending light and love to every cell of Yoni.

Arousal is not necessary for this practice. It works very well when vajra is erect, and when he is soft. Use water-based lubricant for extra moisture.

When you both feel ready, Vajra asks permission to enter Yoni for the purpose of transmitting healing energy. Notice that Vajra asks, rather than you, his owner. Vajra has his own voice! He might use poetic words such as, “Great Yoni, may I, the Healing Wand of Light, receive permission to visit you, bringing love and respect?” If this doesn't feel comfortable to you, just ask her permission in whichever way works for you.

Gentle enter Yoni after you have been given permission. When you are inside, consciously infuse her with healing light energy. Think about Vajra as a wand who irrigates every cell of Yoni with sensitivity, love and positivity. And you, the woman, visualize healing permeate your Yoni.
Together, open yourselves to feel the healing energy and the light. Bring your full attention to the sensations.

Continue with this practice until you feel complete with it. You might be aroused, or not. Vajra, thank Yoni for being receptive and available for this healing session. Yoni, thank Vajra for being such a formidable Healing Wand of Light.

Express appreciation and gratitude to each other, and lie together quietly for a while to integrate the experience.

Tell each other how this was for you, express your gratitude, and end with a sacred embrace.

Tantric Keys
  • Focus your awareness on the intention for this session – to give healing energy to Yoni. Let this be about the practice, rather than transforming it into your usual lovemaking.
  • This practice establishes a strong and intimate love connection that can continue on for a long time. Don’t be in a rush!

If you are unfamiliar with our terminology, please refer to our recent blog post http://ecstaticlivingtantra.blogspot.com/2009/05/our-tantra-terminology.html

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Our Tantra Terminology

Many people think that Tantra is quite exotic and uses complicated terminology from ancient languages, such as Sanskrit. Some people might be put off by this and put Tantra aside as something that's definitely not for them.

It is our mission to make the teachings of Tantra accessible to couples and singles from all walks of life, and hence we use languaging in our workshops and writings that most people are used to. However, when it comes to referring to the genitals, we prefer to give them "tantric" names rather than using their anatomical names penis and vulva / vagina.

By using a tantric name, we ennoble the genitals as powerful parts of our body, taking away the "down there" mystery, and potential shame and judgment.

When you read the practices in this blog (book) you will come across the following two words - vajra and yoni.

Vajra (pronounced "Vashra") is the Sanskrit word for diamond, or thunderbolt. In Tibetan Buddhism the vajra (or Tibetan: dorje) is said to represent indestructibility, spiritual power and firmness of spirit. We like this term as the perfect name for the penis. Sometimes we use the word "thunderbolt" instead.

The other term, yoni, is the Sanskrit word for "divine passage" or "place of origin". This refers to the female genitals. We also like to refer to yoni as the thousand petalled lotus flower.

We have found that after a while even the most cynical students get used to these terms, and accept them as new vocabulary in their language of love.

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Sacred Embrace

“Wrapped into each others’ body and energy fields – bliss, trust and relaxation.”

To connect with yourself, your partner, or a friend; to relax deeply, to share love

The Practice
There is always enough time for the Sacred Embrace, even when you think you’re just too busy! It only takes a minute (or three), will elevate your being and reactivate your connection with spirit and your partner instantly.

Stand opposite each other and close your eyes as you take a couple of slow, deep breaths. Open your eyes and gradually move towards each other. When your bodies are almost touching, slowly wrap your arms around each other, place the heads side by side with eyes closed. Feel your hearts connecting. Be completely still, without movement.

If you have an urge to stroke or sway, resist giving in to that urge. Stay still a little longer and then some. A Sacred Embrace last at least 12 deep breaths! Notice who wants to move away first, and what makes you want to move away. When you feel ready to, separate and thank each other.

Connecting in this simple way is effortless and gente. Timelessness enters your being and the rest of your day will not be the same as it was before!

Tantric Keys

  • Use the Sacred Embrace before you begin your tantric practice.
  • Notice the shape your embrace – is it an A-Frame (chests are close, hips are apart)? Or is it a full body fit?